The Art of Small Talk

Practicing patience and tolerance is an important tool to manifest temperance and peace in your life. Beyond your personal preference, whether you socialize as an introvert (often characterized as being quiet or withdrawn) or an extrovert (being outgoing and socially confident) don’t be fooled. Understand, under the right circumstances any personality may exhibit another side (opposite of what’s expected). With that being said, it should be clear why the saying goes you can’t judge a book by its cover. If you did you may miss out on something great by assuming based on outward observations alone. So, let’s take a look at a few tactics to help you reach and land an open-ended conversation.

How to Spark a Non-Invasive Conversation:

Its common and very rewarding to identify people through a brief social media internet search. Most people expect it. However, when meeting people face to face it’s important to take a different approach. Usually, it requires a strategy, an open mind, and an interested disposition. Most of us may have to practice. Depending on your hobbies and social circles you may have to rely less on their social profiles and more on your ability to manage talking points.

The Art of Small Talk

Here’s the scenario. You’ve just arrived at an event held at a well-known museum. It’s a social mixer filled with various professionals and cultural enthusiasts.

Start with the basics:

Read the room.

Imagine you're a journalist. Did you forget about the 5W’s? Find the perfect moment to smile make eye contact and go in with the Who, What, Where, When, and Why’s of attending. Talk about the venue, the traffic, etc. It’s an open opportunity to create conversation that’s effortless and open ended.

Pull from the obvious.

Proceed with caution when using this strategy. It can allow you to take the conversation out of shallow small talk and introduce a little more substance. This is where you can comment on things a person has brought up during your conversation by sharing your thoughts, respectfully. However, if you’re a novice don’t mask yourself to be a know it all. The interaction my fall flat if you don’t know how to keep up. So, just keep it real (as in realistic) and I’m sure they’ll help you fill in the blanks throughout the conversation.

Give a compliment.

This can be done by complimenting something about the event or directed towards an individual. When done correctly, it shouldn’t be offensive. For example, if you're ready to socialize with others a great segway phrase is, “It was such a pleasure talking to you. You're really informed, I hope to continue this conversation a little later before the exhibit starts”. You’ll find the right words when the time comes.

Do you have anything in common.

You should never get too personal with strangers. Afterall, boundaries are important. Peoples personal boundaries may differ from your own and may not be obvious to the unassuming. Thats okay. Just roll with it by sparking a non-invasive conversation. Gradually work your way through several open-ended talking points and allow the individual to share at will whatever they feel comfortable with sharing and hopefully it won’t get too awkward. But, if it does stay on your toes and politely change the subject.

Building Confidence

Confidence is key, but it takes more than determination and grit to achieve greatness. The loudest voice is the one that stays with us the longest. The voice may have a familiar tone outside of your own recognizible voice. Self-image is not the only image that influences our growth potential. It’s also the environments in which we function and the relationships we cultivate. People pleasers often experience the not so subtle side-effects of codependence. However, many people struggle with establishing boundaries. It’s important to identify your individual needs by acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses.

Building confidence takes time. It’s important to learn personal development skills that facilitate positive self-talk by doing research and finding trusted resources that can build on your growth potential. Finding people that embrace the best version of yourself will help you achieve success in more than one area of your life. Get comfortable with constructive criticism because when used correctly, it can become a great asset to building a strong foundation. However, stay clear of negative self-talk. Especially in business. Making evolved choices requires being open to seeing things from a wider scope. Sometimes, it takes time to evolve. But whenever you’re ready, know you’ll never be alone. Check out some interesting fun facts from UN Women as you ponder over new possibilities that push you into the next level of self-love, growth, and a goal balanced evolution as you learn the value of establishing your voice.

The Friend Strategy

As we learn new skills, we should focus on the potential of partnerships. Of course, we have our close network of what some refer to as ‘the chosen few’. That select group of ride or die, forever up for whatever people, that accept us in the most familiar form. Yet, if we’re being honest with ourselves there have been moments that make you think it would be a good investment to add a few names to the friends list. The idea is almost cringe worthy but oddly exciting because deep down inside you know it could be achieved. Although there may be a slight feeling of annoyance, anxiousness, and apprehension a good way to overcome those emotions would be to incorporate a strategy to help you meet and cultivate new friendships for potential partnerships (that aren’t romantic). Go beyond the basic catch and release technique. Go big and start making waves to connect with people and focus less on the photo ops. Of course, everyone loves a great memory accompanied by a great photo. So, before you tap, click, or snap your next milestone be sure to tell a joke, collect a few names and exchange information before you go your separate ways. Connect to reflect and be prepared to follow up.

The Friend Strategy:

Make a list: Create a list of qualities you would like to see in the new people you would like to meet. The objective is to become open with people. You don’t have to have everything in common to be present and engage in good conversation.

Avoid overthinking: Don’t be over analytical or judgmental. Be willing to have new experiences within a safe level of comfort that will allow you to explore new perspectives.

Stay away from narcissistic behavior: This statement does not imply that it could be coming from the other people. Make sure you share the floor and add something to the conversation that allows other people to feel seen and heard as well.

Travel: Go to new places to give yourself a new perspective. It’s great to plan an adventure with a crowd or plus one. However, you may also meet them once you arrive unexpectedly.

Smile: A friendly demeanor can go along way. It may feel or seem awkward, just stick with it.

The Resilience Mindset

In life we can’t control all the things that happen to us. But we can learn from them. Even if the lessons learned produce moments of isolation or appear on the surface to be regressive, we must hear beyond words and look for the obvious not so subtle indications that change is a natural and organic process that exists and can often supersede our own desires. Life is a cycle of interwoven cycles. One could arguably suggest it’s not our life goals that define us but more so our interactions. At some point we must create peace with ourselves and our human experience even if it seems unfamiliar.

At every intersecting point, our choices have led us to various realizations. But the most freeing experience is remembering our ability to adapt and change. Pushing beyond the self-doubt and overwhelming expectations of past echoing’s create character. Brace yourself for the chance to be more, to do more, to see more, to think more, to ask more of the world around you. We should get to the point where we enjoy every moment. Every win is more desirable when you can honestly look back and say you enjoyed the journey.